When Someone Says "Can We Talk?" Here's What Great Managers Say Next

Tricky conversations at work: what to say as a manager

When someone says, "Can we have a quick chat?", it can feel like your stomach drops through the floor.

Not because you're a bad manager. Usually, it's the opposite. You care, you want to do right by people, and you really don't want to say the wrong thing and turn a small problem into a big one.

So let's make this easy.

This is your friendly guide to saying the right thing at the right time, without legal jargon, without awkward waffle, and without sounding like you swallowed a corporate handbook.

Pop the kettle on. You've got this.

Picture this.

You're in the hallway, or on Teams, or trying to eat a biscuit in peace, and someone says:

"I'm really struggling at the moment."

"I don't think this is fair."

"Am I in trouble?"

"My manager is bullying me."

"I can't keep doing these hours."

"I want to raise a grievance."

And your brain immediately goes blank, except for one thought:

Please say something normal. Please say something helpful. Please don't say something that comes back to haunt me.

If that's you, welcome. This blog is your cheat sheet.

The golden rule

Your job is not to fix everything on the spot.

Your job is to steady the moment.

When someone brings you something difficult, aim for four things:

• Show you've heard them.
• Keep it calm and fair.
• Avoid promising outcomes you can't guarantee.
• Move it into a sensible next step.

That's the win. Not perfection. Not magic. Just calm, clear direction.

Your three step script

Step one: Acknowledge. Be human.

Try:

• "Thank you for telling me."
• "I can see this has been weighing on you."
• "I'm glad you've raised it."

Step two: Clarify. Get the facts, gently.

Try:

• "Talk me through what's been happening."
• "When did this start?"
• "What impact is it having on you?"
• "What would a good outcome look like for you?"

Step three: Next step. Process, not promises.

Try:

• "Here's what I'm going to do next."
• "I'll need to look into this properly so we're fair to everyone."
• "Let's agree what happens now and when I'll come back to you."

That's it. Human, clear, fair.

Phrases that cause chaos and what to say instead

• Instead of: "Don't worry, I'm sure it'll be fine."

Try: "Thank you for raising it. I can't jump to conclusions, but I can make sure it's looked into properly."

• Instead of: "I'll sort it out."

Try: "I'm going to take this seriously. I'll come back to you by [day/time] with what happens next."

• Instead of: "You're not the only one who's said that…"

Try: "I'm going to focus on what you're telling me today, and make sure we handle it fairly."

• Instead of: "If you can't cope, maybe this job isn't for you."

Try: "It sounds like things feel heavy right now. Let's talk about what support might help and what's realistic."

• Instead of: "We'll keep this completely confidential."

Try: "I'll handle this sensitively. I may need to share limited information with the right people so we can look into it properly, but I won't broadcast it."

The big conversations managers dread

1. Performance chats

Start with care and clarity.

"I want to talk about how things are going, because I want you to succeed here."

Then be specific.

"Here's what good looks like, and here's where the gap is."

Make it practical.

"Let's agree a plan, what support you'll have, and when we'll review progress."

The goal is clarity, not a telling off.

2. Absence and sickness

Start with genuine concern.

"How are you feeling at the moment?"

Explore what's going on without being intrusive.

"Is there anything affecting your ability to attend or do the role?"

Focus on support and expectations.

"Let's talk about what might help, and what we need from you going forward."

You can be kind and consistent. That's the sweet spot.

3. Conflict between employees

Set the tone immediately.

"I'm not here to take sides. I'm here to get clarity and help things improve."

Keep it grounded in behaviours and impact.

"Let's focus on what happened and the impact, rather than personalities."

Move it forward.

"We'll agree next steps that are fair and workable."

Your job isn't to pick a villain. It's to get the team functioning again.

4. Complaints and grievances

Start steady.

"Thank you for raising this. I'm going to take it seriously."

Set expectations about fairness.

"I'll need to follow a fair process and gather information before reaching any conclusions."

Give them structure.

"Here's what happens next, and when you'll hear from me."

Calm process is everything here. No panic. No defensiveness.

5. Restructure or redundancy conversations

Be clear about what stage you're at.

"This is a proposal, not a decision."

Acknowledge how it lands.

"I know this is difficult to hear."

Make the consultation real.

"We're going to consult properly, listen to feedback, and consider options."

This is where dignity and clarity matter most.

Phrases to quietly retire

These are the ones that turn small issues into big ones:

• "Off the record…"
• "Between you and me…"
• "I promise…"
• "We're like a family here…"
• "It's just banter…"
• "You're too sensitive."
• "If you don't like it, leave."

It's not about being cold. It's about being clean and fair with your language.

Tiny legal lowdown

When you're having a serious conversation about someone's job, you want five things in place:

• Clarity about the issue
• Consistency in how people are treated
• Evidence that is factual, not vibes
• A fair process that you actually follow
• Notes, because memory gets wobbly under pressure

You don't need to quote legislation in meetings. You just need to stop winging it.

Your pocket checklist

Before the chat

• What is the purpose of this conversation?
• What facts do I actually have?
• What outcome am I aiming for that is fair and realistic?
• What support can I offer?
• What is the next step if this escalates?

During the chat

• Listen more than you speak
• Stick to behaviours and impact
• Don't promise outcomes
• Keep calm, even if they're not
• Summarise what you've heard and what happens next

After the chat

• Write a short note with the date, what was discussed, and what was agreed upon.
• Do what you said you would do
• Get support early if it's getting complex

Early help is cheaper than late panic. Every time.

A quick note on apprenticeships

If you've read this and thought, "I wish my managers were better at these conversations," you're not alone.

Most managers are trying their best. They've just never been taught the people side properly. They get promoted for being great at the job, then handed a team and expected to handle performance, conflict, absence, complaints, and sensitive conversations with zero training.

That's not fair to them.

Management apprenticeships can be a brilliant option here. Not the myth that apprenticeships are only for teenagers, but structured training for real working managers. It helps people build confidence, communication skills, consistency, and a clear way of handling tricky situations without making things worse.

If you're matching development to where someone is at, here's the simple version.

• New to management or supervising day to day: Team Leader or Supervisor apprenticeship at Level 3. Practical tools and a framework for everyday conversations that wobble if you don't know what you're doing.
• Running a department or leading a bigger team: Operations Manager apprenticeship at Level 5. Supports managers to lead more consistently and handle complexity with confidence.
• Senior leadership: Senior Leader apprenticeship at Level 7 for people shaping culture and long-term direction. Funding and eligibility vary, so check what applies in your organisation.

The big point is this. If you want managers who can handle hard conversations well, train them for it. Not because they're failing, but because this is a skill. Skills can be taught.

Final thoughts and a little pep talk

You don't need to become a legal textbook to be a good manager.

You need to be human, clear, fair and consistent, and brave enough to have the conversation properly.

Avoiding it doesn't make it disappear. It just makes it louder, messier, and more expensive later.

Kettle on. Standards up. And until next time, take care of your people.